A Parent’s Guide to December

It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas! ‘Tis officially almost the season to be jolly. And get jolly stressed about the month ahead…

We’re all in the same boat, so here’s our very own ‘Parent’s Guide to December’ to remind you to just embrace the chaos and make the most of it.

 

3rd December

After a miserable November, you decide to get the Christmas tree up early.

Expectation – You conjure up images of happy families decorating the tree harmoniously, with mulled wine for the adults and hot chocolate for the kids.

Reality – Getting the decorations out of the loft and untangling all the lights turns out to be full-on gym workout – and you end up rearranging all the decorations after the kids have gone to bed as, quite frankly, they’re rubbish at it.

 

4th December

You wake up to find your pet rabbit has chewed through the lights, and the cat has pulled the Christmas tree down. The good news: they’re fine. The bad news: you have to start all over again and pray your expensive decorations are intact.

 

9th December

It’s the school Christmas fair! And while you can think of better ways of spending a Saturday in December, you try and pass off some Lidl mince pies as ‘homemade’ while simultaneously trying to cover up a hangover from last night’s work Christmas party.

 

14th December

It’s nativity time. “Yes darling, you made a beautiful alien” you say, as you can’t help but wonder why there are so many random characters in this year’s play.

 

15th December

The kids break up from school and – wait, what? Why are they breaking up so early? A whole week of overexcited kids to deal with at home? Seriously? Isn’t this school’s job? Now working from the office is starting to sound more appealing.

 

19th December

You’re really starting to run out of ideas for Elf on the Shelf, so maybe it’s time for him to have an accident… Oh no! Anyway…

 

21st December

So the kids want to do some Christmas baking? “Okay, stop being a grinch, I can do that”, you tell yourself. Two hours later: the kitchen floor looks like an elaborate trap from Home Alone. Turns out what they really wanted to do was decorate some gingerbread, not actually do any of the hard work, and definitely NOT do any tidying up.

 

23rd December

Your supermarket home delivery finally arrives (yay!). But wait… your cranberry sauce has been replaced with... cranberry shower gel? Fuelled by part mince pies and part rage, you brave the gauntlet that is the supermarket two days before Christmas. Huh, it seems like every other single resident of the town you live in is here too.

 

Christmas Eve

Your kids are beyond bored now, and are asking, literally every five minutes, when Santa’s getting here. You try to persuade them to leave something a little more appetising than a glass of milk and a broken carrot out for the big man and his reindeer. Thankfully they go to bed when they’re meant to (because it’s never too late to go on the naughty list).

 

Christmas Day

Having been woken up every hour since 3am by your kids, and you telling them “it’s too early” every time, you finally give in and get out of bed at 7am to start cooking a ginormous turkey (note to self: next year, just get a crown). The kids are going crazy: “He’s been! He’s been!” – once again giving all the credit to a fictional character, while you have to deal with sugar-fuelled tantrums and them wanting to play with every. single. present. they. received.

You spend six hours slaving over a Christmas dinner which is demolished in less than twenty minutes, and you go to bed thinking you’ll never eat again.

 

Boxing Day

You wake up starving, and stuff your face full of leftover pigs in blankets and Quality Street. Not the worst combination, actually. Meanwhile the kids are busy playing with their toys. You contemplate going on a family walk, but spend all day in pyjamas watching TV instead.

 

27th-30th December

A.K.A festive no man’s land. A.K.A. 'The Void’. It’s those few days where nobody really knows what day it is, and you’ve eaten leftover turkey for the millionth(?) day in a row.

 

New Year’s Eve

Time to party! Well it was back in the days before you had kids… now you fall asleep at 8pm in your new Christmas onesie and miss it completely. At least until all the fireworks set the poor dog off. Oh well, maybe you’ll make it to midnight next year…

 

Whether you find this ‘Parent’s Guide to December’ to be painfully accurate this year, or your festive season somehow turns out to be smooth-sailing (jealous!), we wish you all a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year from everyone here at Trutex.

Here’s to doing this all over again next year!